Friday, November 16, 2007


Ok. So I know this is only my fourth entry, but I have to come clean. I did not totally create this blog to only discuss my workouts and eating habits. This summer in my running group I met two women who blog. After reading their bogs, I officially became obsessed with the idea of a blog. I actually had blog jealousy. Blog envy. So here I am, finally putting myself out there for all who may stumble across. I welcome you into my thoughts, and feelings, AND workouts and eating habits.

So instead of easing into these thoughts and feelings, I am just going to jump right in. Come on in the waters fine…

Today would have been the EX and my two-year anniversary, the second time around. I am surprisingly ok with this fact (crossing my fingers hoping that after writing all this I will still feel this way) I thought the EX was “the one” I had understood that the first time around we were young, immature, stupid, yada yada yada, but this time was different. We didn’t fight as much; we were both in better places in our lives… whatever… I won’t bore you with the details. Unfortunately, or fortunately, I was wrong. In the past two and a halfish months I have come to many realizations. Although I love the EX and probably always will, he was not “the one”.

You know the show Gossip Girl? Yes I know this seems like a giant leap… Baring my soul to talking about a trashy WB show, but trust me I have a point. One of the things I have noticed is the chemistry between two of the main characters Serena and Dan. I swear they have the best onscreen kisses that I have ever seen in my life hands down. I am very aware they are actors and are paid to kiss that way but damn… I believe that “the one” and I will share kisses that are that hot if not hotter. Even though I enjoyed kissing the EX, I have to admit that most of the passion had been removed along time ago.

I also have realized that “the one” will care as much if not more about the things that are important to me. Number one on that list being my family (and I use the term loosely because my family does not just consist of my mom, dad, step mom and brother. I have about four moms, two dads, and too many little brothers and sisters to count… but all that is for another day) “The one” will want to meet all of them before I even offer to introduce them. It will just be something he needs to do to feel closer to me. I understand now that you can’t have a complete relationship if a very important part of you (meaning me) is omitted. I will never compromise this part of me again.

Next, it has come clear to me now that just because I am not sad, does not mean I am happy. I thought it had to be black or white. Happy or sad. But that’s not true. I was mistaking not being unhappy with meaning I was happy. In actuality, I was feeling trapped in a relationship because I was scared of being alone, and hurting that person that I love. Just because you love someone does not mean it is meant to be. This may seem totally out there but it felt like my car had stalled on the train tracks and I was able to get my seatbelt off, but my grandma is stuck (grandma is a metaphor for someone I care very deeply about in case you are scratching your head). I don’t want to leave her and watch her get hit by the train, but do I want to die? Now that you think I am overly dramatic… I know “the one” will make me happy.

I did not mean for this post to turn into a “What I want in a man” list, but I needed to write it out to help validate what I am thinking, to help me believe what I know is right. I want to thank the EX for helping me learn more about myself, and who I want to be as well. I will end this post with lyrics from Chris Daughtry’s song: Over You… and I promise I will not have a sappy, girly post like this again… or at least for a little while…

Well I never saw it coming
I should of started running
A long long time ago
And I never thought I'd doubt you
I'm better off without you
More than you, More than you know
I'm slowly getting closure
I guess it's really over
I'm finally getting better
Now I'm picking up the pieces
from spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together
The day I thought I'd never get through
I got over you!

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