Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Now You See it... Now You Don't

I need to vent.

Since the EX and I have broken up I have not spoken to him. The first time around when we broke up I would drunk dial him, sober dial him, write him emails… I think you get the point… but this time NOTHING. We have exchanged only two emails. The first was me asking for all of my stuff back and him replying that it was already all in a suitcase at his mom’s to pick up as soon as possible. The second one was mid January, when I knew he was starting his final semester, to wish him good luck… to which I never received a response.

No contact since September.

You are not allowed to judge me for what I am about to reveal, because I know you secretly do it too.

I still look at his profile on Facebook… (Hangs head low)

And today I saw he removed himself from any photo that he was in with me. This may not seem like a big deal, but I feel like I have been completely erased. I think it is so fucked up. Why is that necessary?? I just don’t understand. It makes me so angry that this was someone who I loved and he and I had a huge past. We were together for SIX fucking years, and it is almost as though he is not even a partial speck of the person he used to be.

And what upsets me the most is the fact that it upsets me. Why does he still affect me??? Why can’t he just disappear from my memory like I have from his? Why didn’t he call me to see how my marathon went seeing I was with him during my entire training? Why couldn’t he be honest with me about why he wanted to break up? Why can’t I remove his number from my phone even though I know it by heart??? It is just all so fucked up.

But I am taking baby steps…

I removed him as a friend on Facebook.

6 comments:

Lou said...

Good for you. Now get rid of that phone number stat! It's ridiculous, but I look at my boyfriend's ex-wife's profile on Facebook (we're in the same "network" not friends). Ain't no shame. Or maybe there is. Whatever. We all do it. Oh yeah. And boys are stupid.

L Sass said...

I am guilty of stalking my exes as well... everyone is! But if it still bugs you to see him do douche-y stuff, cut him off!

Laughing through my chardonnay said...

Of course it is going to upset you. After all you were together for 6 years! You aren't going to get over each other over night, it takes time. Keep making your baby steps, you'll get there soon enough.

Ashley said...

I'm proud that you cut him off from facebook. For some reason I still keep watch on my ex-boyfriends on facebook as well. Sometimes it's to check for a new girlfriend, but most of the time it's to check for new pictures and hoping they got really fat.

The Stormin Mormon said...

6 years is a long time. It's going to take a long time, and hurt more before it's over. Cut him out of you life...

Willie said...

Thanks for your encouragement. Great blog, will add it to my read list.

 
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