Sunday, January 20, 2008

A slight elaboration of my worst date ever…

I would just like to start out with a fact. I have not been on a “first date” in a LONG time. I dated the EX on and off for 6 or 7 years and the other guys in between, we had hung out a lot in groups before we hit the scene one-on-one that all the first date stuff wasn’t there. In any case I was pretty nervous about this one.

So I met NYE Guy at a sushi restaurant in the suburbs, near where I live. He texts me to let me know he is running late and should be there in about 15 minutes. I called Fish to have her give me some last minute ideas to use incase the conversation turned to awkward silence. Then it was time to face my nerves and eat some sushi.

IT all started out fine, he apologized for being late, gave me a hug, pushed in my chair for me… but then as soon as he sat down he started drinking his water really fast. But not chugging it. He kept picking it up and taking a small sip, then putting it down, then 2 seconds later picking it up again, then putting it down, and in less than 45 seconds his water was empty and I was waiting for him to reach for mine and go at it.

Moving past the initial weird water incident, the conversation was lame. He talked about his work AGAIN, and a how he likes to order soup whenever he goes out to eat. SOUP is his FAVORITE thing to eat.

Cool… I told him my grandma liked to eat soup a lot too.

Then the waitress took our order and my glass of wine couldn’t arrive fast enough. The rest of the meal consisted of me hearing MORE about his job, and the other jobs he is applying for, or thinking about applying for, and yada, yada, yada. At one point he asked me about my job, and I said something about how I got a new position about 3 months ago, but I can’t start until they find a replacement for my current position… and you know what he said??

Poor Jaime. Sarcastically. Ew.

Another quick thing to mention is that earlier in the day while I was at work, my lunch group kept asking me what we were going to be doing and I said I didn’t really care, as long as we did NOT go see a movie. Please keep this in the back of your head.

So dinner is winding down and it is taking a whole lot for me not to look at what time it is, when he looks at me and says:

Even though I don’t like scary movies, I know you do. So how about we go see the movie Cloverfield? Does that sound good?


So we drive in one car to the movie theater that is frickin 20 minutes away, and see the movie Cloverfield. The movie was fine, except the camera work made me think I was going to barf sushi all over the people sitting in front of me. And then it happens. The monster is tearing apart upper Manhattan, when…NYE Guy screams. LIKE A FRICKIN GIRL!!!!! He grabs my hand and screams like a girl! I almost died. Who the hell is this??? As soon as the lights come up he starts berating me with questions. What was your favorite part? Did you think the monster was scary? Luckily it wasn’t as scary as he thought it was going to be. Are you kidding me? How do you scream when you are really scared?

The ride back to my car was the worst. I was digging for some sort of conversation that I actually asked him what he was allergic to.

Everything. What a surprise.

Then he looks at me and tells me that he broke his arm once. And that when he was little he had a virus and was in the hospital for a while. And that he also tore his ACL and has a scar.

Cool. ACL scars are my favorite.

FINALLY we get to my car, he give me a hug and a kiss (once again it was horrible) and I exit the car trying not to make it look like I am running away as fast as my legs can take me. Oy. Horrible date. No chemistry. Even worse conversation. So what do I do? My friend Jason (a.k.a. Mr. Amazing Chemistry but Horrible Timing) calls me to see if I am out. So he comes and picks me up, we drive around talking about my date and anything else that is on our minds. I invite him in, and we make out for 2 hours. Damn he is a good kisser…

By the next day everyone in my circle, or near my circle, and even the guy who bags groceries at the Jewel know about my horrible date. I can’t help it. I have this urge to tell everyone.

So here it is… Sunday morning and what do I get but a text message from NYE Guy:

I had fun with you the other night!

Are you kidding me????


Lou said...

On my first date with MM, he asked me to kill a spider (it was in his car, on the windshield) for him. For real. Don't tell him I told you that. And... I'd like more info on the bad-timing guy. Like, why is it bad timing? It sounds like you both are single?????

The Charming Hedonist said...

...screams. LIKE A FRICKIN GIRL!!!!! He grabs my hand and screams like a girl!

Dealbreaker. Plain and simple. I like for my dates to have more testosterone than me, thank you very much.

As for getting out of a second date, "Um, I'm really going to be busy trying to find a replacement for me" then, sarcastically, "poor me, right?"

The Stormin Mormon said...


Sounds like one hell of a night. Emphasis on hell...

Laughing through my chardonnay said...

I would have peed myself laughing had I been on a date with some dude who screamed like a girl! You are a far better woman then I to ni=ot have run out of that theatre laughing.

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